Sometime in your life, you’ll meet a guy who would totally be your loyal committed boyfriend if only he wasn’t very, very, extremely not interested in that happening.
Okay, I admit, it’s not always as simple as one person wants to be together and the other doesn’t. A lot of times, for many different reasons, both people aren’t sure, even though they might intertwine in a way that’s multidimensional and powerful and bla bla.
And it’s true that some people, no matter how strongly you connect with, are just shit for you. Their lameness might go undetected for awhile, so I’m here to pinpoint all the signs that lead to him being a little shit and ultimately hurting you.
Because let’s face it, not everyone will have your capacity for human emotion and connection. Don’t mistake apathy for being complicated. No-effort dating masked as being “easy-going” isn’t sexy.
The “let’s hang” lame: everything is casual for him, you know, cause he’s so cool and easy-going (lazy) (stoned). He’ll put in minimum effort, never check in on you, never really go out of his way. Of course, he loves seeing you when everything is convenient and fun. And it is - you’re both spontaneous, you make each other laugh, it’s comfortable, it’s exciting, he’s attentive, you connect, you cuddle, yep you get it.
But nothing bums this bum out faster than when you say something earnest like when you actually need him. And god forbid you show any genuine emotion. Oh boy. This type of lame dislikes strong feelings because someone being earnest dares him to come out from under his ironic safety blanket, and no fucking thanks. He’d rather “hang” with a bunch of different girls he’s not even that thrilled about.
Maybe the problem is he has the emotional depth of a potato or maybe he’s been so emotional traumatized that it’s left him unavailable for the time. Whatever? At the end of the day, whether it’s a friend or something more, why would you spend any time with a person who’s so desentized that you aren’t comfortable showing genuine emotion?
You don’t need to spend time with anyone that makes you feel like you can’t call them when you need them. He may be interesting, It might be fun for now, he may even give you exactly what you want in the moment, but ultimately minimum effort and not knowing how to cultivate meaningful relationships isn’t sexy.
Because you don’t have to be officially “together” for it to be significant. Effort should be a factor from day one. Knowing you can lean on him should be as well. Feeling appreciated and adored by the person you’re sleeping with is not a lot to ask for.
It might be confusing because you do feel good around him and he always comes back - but remember that every time he comes back he ultimately leaves you hurt.
Even though he reaches out, he’s still not giving you what you need. End the cycle. Block the lame. You’ll find someone who truly makes you happy and doesn’t think that effort equals an Uber ride to your place.