I Don’t Care About Your Connection

I don’t care about your connection or how amazing they can be. I don’t care about how they look at you or how they touch you or what they say when they come back after realizing they messed up and no one else is quite like you. 

I don’t care about how many gifts they buy you or how many romantic candlelight dinners they take you on. I don’t care about the trips. I don’t even care if they make every fiber of your being come to life and love all your scars and listen to you so passionately that you feel your soul coming alive. 

I don’t care about any of that if they cause you pain. I don’t care about any of that if they continue being indecisive and not making you a priority. I don’t care about any of that if they keep lying to you and doing things they know will hurt you. 

A connection is not worth this pain. A connection is not worth nights of self-doubt and frustration and tears. A connection, no matter how strong, is not worth thinking you’re not enough or you need to keep proving your love or wondering what mood they will be in today.

I don’t care if something in their past fucked them up. That is not an excuse to make you an emotional punching bag. That is not an excuse to keep pushing you away when you get too close. That is not an excuse to keep leaving or disappearing whenever they feel like it. 

Because that’s the pattern, isn’t it? They get in their mood, they fuck up, they come back, you take them back. You always take them back. 

They come back and for a moment they do everything to make you happy. They tell you how much you mean to them and you feel all their love. They tell you they fucked up and realized that life is not the same without you. And you feel it. You feel how deep your connection is and you feel how deeply you mean to them.

And the hardest of all, you feel how a big part of you was missing when they were gone. They bring something out of you again that you almost forgot existed. I know. 

But I also know they seem to only make you a priority when they know they’re about to lose you. I also know that you only seem to feel safe in their arms but when you’re apart you get anxious and restless and unsatisfied. 

A connection isn’t enough. It is never enough. 

I know how frustrated you are. I know how painful it is to be on this roller-coaster that you can’t seem to get off because you two are so emotionally intertwined. But I also know that you deserve more. This isn’t enough for you. This will never be enough for you. 

So I don’t care about your connection. I don’t care how amazing they can be. You deserve someone who makes you a priority, and not just when they’re about to lose you, not just when they’re trying to win you back, not just when they realize how many people want you and are trying to get your attention. No. You need someone who never stops trying. You need someone who no matter how screwed up their past is, no matter how many layers they have, they would never do anything to hurt you. Someone who keeps their word, every single time. 

Someone who never stops appreciating you - no matter how exciting their life is or how many ‘options’ they have.  Someone who not only talks about your future without question, but actually makes plans for it. Someone who you can rely on. 

So next time you’re second guessing yourself, wondering if you made the right choice, wondering if you will ever find someone else who you’ll connect with as intensely, don’t. Don’t ever regret letting a person go who repeatedly hurts you, no matter how much they might love you.

Don't ever think for a second that you won't find a connection as passionate as this one, with someone who also does every single thing they can to make it work.