It will be painful at first. The only thing more excruciating than being with them, is not being with them. But you’ll fake it, even for your closest friends - the “I’m fine” and “I’m good,” and “everything happens for a reason,” and maybe, you’ll say it so much that you’ll even start to believe it.
You’ll go on dates to prove to yourself that you’re happy and you’ve moved on - you’ll laugh more than ever, you’ll flirt and engage, you’ll think: See, I’m so much better off without them. You won't flinch when people ask about them anymore. You have memorized the script back and forth.
But before you know what is happening, it will happen all at once - the pain of missing them, that pain that almost broke you, it will show up. It always seems to show up. No matter how many distractions there are or how far you try to run, it’s there - no matter what you do, your heart just can't seem to let go.
I know they gave you a feeling that no one else could so far. I know that no matter how many amazing people you meet, the connection isn’t the same. And I know you feel lost without them. But I also know that it ended because you need to fall back in love with yourself - Not someone else, not someone new.
I know you loved your ex a lot. You craved more from them - you had opinions and big dreams for the future, you wanted the best for them. But somewhere along the way, you fell out of love with yourself. You stopped focusing on what you wanted, what you deserved. The more you put up with their toxicity, with their mood swings and instability, the less you cared about yourself.
That independent, take no shit attitude gave way to an insecurity, an all consuming rage, manifesting as a reaction to their toxic behavior. It distracted you from your dreams, from your passions, from your life. You tried to fight for it, to give more, to love more, but it never seemed to be enough. And before you knew it, your entire mood and happiness becomes entirely dependent on them.
I know you feel lost right now. You heart is still broken. You know it was toxic, but despite all that pain, you think that if you would take them back, this time, you would make it work. But the truth is - some love is meant to change your life rather than give you someone to grow old with.
Some love is meant to show you everything that is holding you back. You see, some soulmates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then leave. It’s not about how much they loved you. They loved you a lot. But ultimately, their purpose was to break your heart open so new light can get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you have to transform your life. And I promise you, there is so much more.
Your heart is broken, your ego is teared apart a bit, but this is when you have a chance to be happier than you have ever been before. This is when you can realize your obstacles and addictions because you learn so much more from pain than a happily ever after. This is the time to stop running, and start feeling what you’re feeling. I promise you, this love ending, will make you fall back in love with yourself, and consequently, open your life up for something so much more.