I flat-out refuse to settle for someone who doesn’t give me all the feels. For someone who not only makes me excited to be alive, but who also fully appreciates me. Relationships, with the right person, can be incredibly special and beautiful, there is no argument against that.

However, single females are often terribly misunderstood by annoying, codependent females (and males) whose lives fully revolve around their partner. When this happens, they’re called “lonely,” “empty” or that something has to be wrong with them. The reality is, they will not be confined by “appropriateness” and choose to be defined by their decisions to go after the life they actually want to live – which may or may not involve a partner. Here are some annoying misconceptions that single females often have to deal with:

1. They’re Lonely.

There is actually nothing lonelier than being in the arms of someone who doesn’t inspire you – being with the wrong person, now that’s the real loneliness,

Some of the greatest adventures you will have is when you’re alone – when you travel alone, eat alone, live alone, because you’re opening yourself up fully to all the infinite amount of possibilities that life has to offer. Trust me when I say that being alone is the furthest thing from lonely.

2. They’re single because there has to be something wrong with them.

This is the most perplexing misconception of all. Unlike many, we’re actually not using love as a crutch, we’re working on ourselves because we’re not going to use the excuse that someday somebody will love all our flaws. We’re not looking for our other half to make us whole because we want to be our own better half.

Many are so enamored with the idea of being in a relationship they they fast-track relationships and choose the wrong person – they bloom their love out of convenience, grow their love from the need to not be alone, and one day they wake up depressed. And somehow, wanting to work on yourself alone to be the biggest, brightest, fiercest, version of oneself is labeled as lonely? Do you see the problem here?

3. They’re worried they won’t find ‘the one.’

In a response to that I say, are you worried you won’t ever be the one for yourself? While some relationships are extraordinary, the ones who judge single females as somehow being incomplete or unhappy and say things like “don’t worry – you’ll find the one” are often the unhappiest themselves.

Truly happy, evolved people understand that for many, some love isn’t the kind that results in the fusing of two lives into one, but instead can give them new life, a life that has more love than they have ever seen. They understand that for some, love is meant to change their life rather than give them someone to grow old with. And both entities are equally beautiful.

4. She’s looking for someone.

Not really. We love the person we’re evolving into, and not everyone can handle or understand us. You can surely evolve with the right person by your side, but we strongly believe that it takes a lot of living to fully grow into who you want to be. It takes a lot of living to run up against the darkest parts of yourself, embrace it, work on it, and only then is one really ready to love someone else – only then do we really know what we’re looking for.

So many are looking for someone without even knowing what it is they’re looking for in the first place. We’d rather look for what makes us happy, first.

5. They’re single because they’re too picky or high-maintenance.

Single girls are not high-maintenance, they just know their worth and they are not looking for something that is right there. In fact, they’re not looking at all.

We won’t get a in a relationship unless that love caters to our need for passion rather than attention. We won’t settle unless that love is rare. We don’t see the point of being with someone just so we won’t have to sleep alone. In reality, girls who think of themselves as “chill” or “low maintenance” often misconceive themselves as such, and end up settling instead of waiting for that rare love you can take off with.

6. They’re incomplete.

The funniest misconception of all. Unfortunately, people often confuse being in a relationship as being complete, happy even, when in reality it’s more often just comfortable, convenient.

I was madly in love in a very serious, long-term relationship but decided to end it because the guy I was with was very toxic and not appreciating me. I very well could have swallowed my needs and made it work like many females do – but ironically the most incomplete I have ever felt was in that relationship where my self-love was being suffocated under the toxic facets of his personality. With the right person, you can cultivate a love that is extraordinary, but you have to do the work to be ready, first – which often includes first feeling whole by yourself.