To My Fellow Women In 'Almost Relationships'

I hear it all the time: he's a fuckboy. He's constantly giving me mixed signals. There's not enough effort. He's shady - I  don't know if I can always trust him. He says he loves me but he pushes me away - he has issues, he's complicated, he has a problem.

But, aren't you the one dating him? So by definition, doesn't that make it your problem? The truth is, if you accept things the way they are, they will never change. If you keep accepting ‘almost relationships,’ “good morning” text as effort, booty calls and half-ass commitments, you will keep getting them.

We try and act so casual about it: I don't care. I can play the game. Women can be casual, too. But I'm talking to the ladies who don't want to settle. The ones who don't want casual even if they say they do. The ones who are too passionate to have something casual. The ladies who give too much to accept an almost.

These ladies aren’t “chilled” - they don’t just go with the flow to please some guy. I’m talking about the girl who challenges, who has opinions, big dreams and an even bigger heart. The girl who offers too much to waste her time with a guy who gives her almost what she needs - a guy who is not yet ready for love; a guy who is afraid to say too much, to feel too deeply, to let people know what they mean to him.

And for some reason, that same girl is playing games she doesn’t even want to play. She’s acting interested, but not too interested - not enough to freak him out. She won’t ask where it’s going, what it means to him. And if she does bring it up, every word she says is carefully chosen so as to seem she’s okay with any response he gives, even if she’s not.

Ladies, you don’t have to put up with that. Be the change you want to see. A guy will treat you how you let him treat you. Guys will always try to get away with doing the bare minimum to get what they want from you. If you let them, they will. He can’t value you more than you value yourself.

Don’t ever accept that nobody asks you out on a date anymore, that romance is dead or that people don't fully commit anymore. Maybe it's dead for those who accept "almost" - who don't know how love or commitment looks like, sounds like, feels like.

Don’t settle for someone who’s too lost, scared, selfish or desensitized to understand that you’re the type of girl who makes him feel alive, understood, who will make you live the fuck out of your lives; and who’s too passionate to settle for an “almost” anything. If he’s scared of double texting, commitment, hanging out two nights in a row, fuck him. Well don’t actually fuck him. Haha. But for real, if he makes you feel like a crazy bitch if you act angry when he blows you off, or talking to him too much makes you needy, he's clearly a little bitch. He's doing you a favor - walk away.

Stop giving him second chances. If he flakes on plans, keeps fucking up, if you're left wondering who else he's seeing, tell him bye. Don't give him another chance to make you feel sad, angry, or not good enough. You are in full control of that. 

You never have to deal with that bullshit. You deserve someone who makes you over the moon happy everyday - not just on the days that are convenient for him.

Never abandon yourself in the effort to keep someone or something. Because at the end of the day, you know you’re too damn passionate to accept an almost anything. 

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Anna Bashkova

Blogger from NYC.

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