“I don't care about whose DNA has recombined with whose. When everything goes to hell, the people who stand by you without flinching--they are your family.” ― Jim Butcher
I'm not sure as to what exactly the issue is between you and your biological father; however, I am here to tell you that the struggles we deal with because of this issue are most likely very similar.
Not having a father figure sucks - it sucks badly, you are not alone. But there are a few things I would like for you to remember throughout all of this:
You don't need him.
Yes, you want him in your life, but you don't need him. You have made it this far without him - not having him in your life this far down the road will not impact you the way that you think.
But don't avoid meeting him.
One thing to remember if you have never met him is that you don't want to live with regrets. If he is being difficult and doesn't want to meet you, then that is one thing. But if he's reaching out to you, trying to make an effort, it's better to see him than live with regrets.
You need closure. Maybe meeting him will even make you realize why he isn't in your life to begin with, and that isn't necessarily a bad thing.
None of this is your fault.
He did not leave your life because of you. He left because you were such a beautiful baby that he knew he wasn't good enough to take care of you. You simply intimidated him, and that is okay. I'm sure he needed to better himself for you; to be worthy of your love, and that is definitely okay, too. When it comes down to it, some people aren't ready to be a parent and they weren't done growing - I'm sure it is very hard to help someone else grow when you aren't even done growing yourself.
You deserve the world.
You deserve to be cherished, and loved and given the proper attention. Just because you didn't get it from one half doesn't mean that you can't get it from the other half.
Thank your mother.
Not only has she raised you, loved you, given you what you need, but she has been both your mom and dad. She will love you forever and ever because that is what moms do. They provide you with what you need, even if it is to play the part as a second parent.
You are probably better off without him.
Who wants a bad influence in their life? Please, please keep it in your head and heart that you have become someone amazing. Please do not jeopardize that by attaching yourself to someone who may be toxic to your mental health - regardless if they are your "blood" or not. Just because you are related does not mean you are half of them - you are whoever raised you, not someone who helped create you. It took me a long time to realize this but it is the 100% truth.
You will not end up like him and I promise that his actions will not reflect on you in any way, shape, or form. Please girls, remember to love who you are. Be thankful for who you have, and just remember that what he has done to you, or "not done" for you will not effect you in the ways you think. You are capable of having a healthy relationship with a guy and you are not alone. You are loved.
Written by: Laura Vanerian