You’re the most extroverted introvert anyone will ever meet. You’re at your happiest in places like coffee shops and cafés: surrounded by people, but still closed off and keeping to yourself.
When you are out, people are drawn easily to you. It’s not that you’re loud, it’s more like you really have no shame or sense of embarrassment, which often makes you the life of the party. You connect with people easily, so you’re often the center of attention. When faced with a real extrovert though, you will definitely be the listener.
At the same time, social interactions can stress you out. You have no patience for small talk which can make you look like an asshole. When in reality, you just don’t feel the need to go out of your way to be fake nice for people to accept or like you. You basically hate the barriers that small talk creates between people. If your environment feels fake, you’ll get annoyed and bored very easily. It makes your social batteries drained; and when you’re socially exhausted or annoyed, you will tend towards withdraw into yourself - over-thinking everything.
It’s second nature for you to both take your time before opening your mouth, reflecting internally, and to think out loud - it kinda all depends on your mood? And when you do think out loud, it’s because you process stuff at rapid speed, not because there’s no thought behind your words.
Your life is basically one big conundrum. You need to be around people. You need it for your sanity and for your overall happiness. When you’re upset, you need to talk it out with at least three different people. You need it to process all your damn feelings. You crave large amounts of stimulation, but at the same time, you can feel your most alive, switched on and capable when you’re in quieter, more low-key environments having deeper conversations, or when you’re spending time alone. You have days when you feel like you need to spend time alone to recharge your batteries, but once you’re actually alone you get all bored and antsy thinking, Oh my god I need to be around people.
You definitely confuse yourself. Unlike a real extrovert, you’re better off avoiding caffeine before a big meeting or important event. Because you’re kind of introverted too, coffee can often overstimulate your central nervous system which might cause you to feel overwhelmed and exhausted, rather than excited and engaged.
Life gets kinda complicated when you’re always ebbing and flowing between being extroverted and introverted, but at least it makes you look at the world a little bit differently, too. You adapt very easily, but you also see right through existing systems and structures and all the ways they’re terribly outdated and inept. You know there’s a better way to do things. You challenge the accepted. You couldn’t live a “normal” life if you tried.
But at this point, you’d rather be outside the box, not living in any pre-determined way or form, creating a life that you actually desire, instead of “what’s supposed to be.”