We make everything so complicated. “He’s super into me one night and then acts like he doesn’t care the next.” “Everything was going great but suddenly he pulled back." "He texts me but doesn’t ask me on a real date. What’s up with that?” “Ugh, it’s so complicated,” we exclaim. So we begin second guessing ourselves. Playing the big game - if you like someone, don’t tell them how you feel. Just act interested enough for them to pick up on it. But not too much. You don’t want to freak them out. You have to act casual. Chilled. What is chilled? We don’t know, but we need to fucking be it.
Don’t double text. You texted first last night? Uh-oh. You have to wait for him to text you first this time. Casual. Chilled. You have to not give a fuck. But also give a fuck. But also not give a fuck. It’s all very complicated.
But the best part? When he does text you, no matter how carefully you’ll try to reply to his messages — to seem casually interested, but not like you’re invested in his sudden attention — he’ll always fade away again, and you’ll somehow be left feeling desperate, even if he’s the one who reached out to you.
Ladies, we make the rules. I think we’ve all forgotten that. I don’t care what games people are playing. Who’s swiping left or right or sideways or who says romance is dead. You don’t have time for that. I’m tired of living in the world where people mistake apathy for being complicated. If someone is apathetic towards you - they don’t want you to chase them, they are just not that into you. If someone is hot and cold then hot again they are not complicated, they are a douchelord.
Ladies, stop with the mental gymnastics. Indecisiveness is a decision. We are all active participants in these stupid games and we need to stop. It is not complicated. Actions speak louder than words. Words are so easy but actions speak the truth. Many will say things to you in an attempt to avoid uncomfortable conversations. Many will play games and spin you around in their lies. Leave them. It’s a choice - we have to take responsibility for our part. Boys play games because they’re boys - and we let them.
We date fuckboys and then get upset when they act like fuckboys. We take their calls at 3 am, allow ourselves to be options, go back to toxic relationships where we were disrespected and then complain when it turns out toxic. “Ugh, modern dating,” we exclaim. “I’m so sick of it.” All the while not realizing how we are directly contributing to the problem.
I know this is a crazy concept, but you literally don’t have to date anyone who isn’t making you happy. Shocking, I know. But believe me, it’s true. You have 100 percent full control over who you give and don’t give your precious time to.
If someone is appearing thoughtless, they are not thinking about you. If someone is playing games, pulling back after everything is going great, he’s a douchelord. If he tells you that he’s going through a difficult time in his life, that he needs to find himself, and therefore can’t give you what you deserve, believe him. It’s not complicated.
No one can make you feel needy, insecure, or desperate. No one has that power over you. If you like talking to someone, talk to them. If you like someone, hang out with them. It’s as simple as that. Showing you care does not make you needy - any guy who thinks otherwise has issues you don’t want to deal with in the first place. And if a guy blows you off, show the bro to the door.
You are not enslaved to any dating culture. You make your own rules. If he takes forever to respond to your messages, and it bothers you, tell him. If he doesn’t change it, he doesn’t respect you. Leave him. It’s not complicated. You need to be with someone who you can say whatever you damn please and write however many times you damn want to. This isn’t a fairy tale - this is the basic effort and fluidity you deserve and I promise you it’s out there.
So please, can we stop making everything so damn complicated when it’s not? We decide how we are and are not going to be treated. We make our own boundaries. We decide when we’ve had enough of boys and want to date men who want to date us. Respect and love yourself enough to not be sucked into any romance related bullshit. The choice is yours.
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