Look, if your girl doesn’t get a little bit crazy over you it means your dick ain’t shit.
Stage 1: Bae does something to annoy you.
Like the moment he decides to sleep instead of respond to your text or when he's really testing the fuck outta you and likes her picture again.
Stage 2: Don’t say shit.
Mind: It’s not worth it. You know how this will end. Just let it go.
Stage 3: I just think it’s funny how -
Your over-thinking psycho side won once again and it’s bout to shine bright like a diamond.
Stage 4: Private investigator.
Your spy mode goes 0 to 100 real quick. You could work for the CIA tomorrow.
Stage 5: It’s begun.
That vein is probably popping out of your forehead right now and you legit look like Lil Wayne on speed.
Stage 6: Backup.
You will text your friend 37 times in a row and feel no shame. She’s your fam and she signed up for this shit. She will spy for you and find out everything. Friend: Who? You: Look at his Insta. Friend: Found the bitch. I’m on it.
Stage 7: Writing skills on point.
You’re about to send him 3 essays based on scenarios you made up in your head but it’s going to sound legit cause you’ve suddenly become a lawyer too and have the evidence you need.
Stage 8: Regret.
You write an amazing thesis only to go back and reread it like, “damn I really am bat shit crazy.” You will then apologize and write something cute.
Stage 9: Still no reply
But then bae still doesn't reply so that just makes you mad all over again. All remorse is gone. You: I take it back!! I am not sorry!!! You hoe-
Stage 10: Back to rage.
Vein popping out again. All you can do at this point is call your best friend again and send her 50 screen of texts from your award winning one woman monologue you sent to bae.
Stage 11: Loch Ness Monster
You try your best not to get more mad because you’re about to turn into the Loch Ness Monster but you can’t help it because you’re crazy. Your friend knows not to save you, you don’t want to be saved.
Stage 12: Have a blessed life.
You: I thought we had something real. Okay. I see how it is. You’ll be sorry. Have a blessed life. Never contact me again. I hope she was worth it!
*the next day*
Bae: I WAS SLEEPING!!!!! *begins angrily typing*
You: I’m sensitive you know