What Douchelords Will Never Understand About Women

I’m not talking about the men. I’m talking about the douchelords - the guy that demonstrates all the qualities of being a douche so well, he could in fact be a deity among douches. He is the lord and messiah of all douches. A fuck boy. And he seems to be everywhere. 

Douchelord, there are many things you don’t understand about women. 

Caring is not synonymous with crazy. If a woman shows you she cares, it doesn’t make her needy. With so many manipulative games, cryptic messages and people who actually don’t care, finding someone who actually gives a fuck is rare. If you think caring makes her desperate, you should deal with your issues. If you blow her off, ghost her until she disappears, flirt with other girls behind her back, she has every right to act angry. “Woah this is too much, you’re acting crazy,” you’ll exclaim, all the while not understanding that she is just reacting to you being a little fuck. 

Douchelord, a woman doesn’t owe you anything. If she doesn’t sleep with you after a make out session, she is not being a tease. If she’s at your place, and doesn’t want to have sex, she is not being a tease. You need to get the idea out of your head that a woman owes you anything, no matter what the situation is. And if you’re putting in effort just because you want to get laid and not because you actually enjoy spending time with her, you’re a fuck boy, and that’s your problem. Not hers. 

Take “slut” out of your vocabulary. If a woman does sleep with you on a first date, that doesn’t make her easy. In fact, you should be thanking her because let’s be honest, your banana is not that special. 

There is nothing wrong with calling a woman beautiful, but not all women want that kind of attention. It’s okay if they do, as long as you understand that some women don’t want attention for just their looks. They are not dressing for you. They are not putting on makeup for you. Shocking, I know. Respect it. Nothing wrong with gender roles, as long as they are chosen by those involved, and not expected or enforced by those who are not involved.

Effort is also not a “good morning” text. Neither is asking her to come over. Don’t insult her by insisting that you’re making an effort when you ask her for Netflix and Chill. It’s embarrassing. If you like her, ask her out. If you’re not ready to be in a relationship, don’t be in one. Respect her enough to tell her the truth. She can handle it. Because remember, your banana is not as special as you think it is. 

If you still need attention and validation from the opposite sex, don’t be in a relationship. If you think romance is dead, don’t be in a relationship. If you don’t want to be challenged, don’t be in a relationship. A woman will challenge you because she cares. What you don’t understand is that you need to make an effort for her. If you don’t want to, leave her. Just don’t get so lost in playing the game that you’re not even honest with yourself about how you feel. 

If you are ready to be in a relationship, put forth the consistent effort it takes to be with her. If you choose to commit - don’t have one eye wadering at the options. If you’re with a girl you actually have a connection with, don’t ruin it for the mediocre buffet you’ll get bored of in 5 minutes. 

More is an illusion. This more you want is a lie. You’re worried about settling, all the while not knowing what settling is. If it’s not perfect, it’s settling. If it’s not glittery filtered love, it’s settling. But love isn’t perfect - it’s not glittery or filtered or Pinterest-worthy. Love is living the fuck out of your life with someone. Love gives you that imperfect person who is wrong for you in just the right way. Flawlessly flawed. Who gives you that thing you didn’t even know you needed.