Being stuck in a “love purgatory” is one of the most painful things you will go through. Not knowing whether to let go or to keep trying - not knowing even how to move on or stop caring. After all, you can’t just shut off your emotions because it is special - you have something with them that you don’t have with anyone else.
And it goes deeper than that - there’s a reason why you keep letting him back in. They are able to touch your soul and bring out your inner self; your true self - and together you have something real.
But on the other side of the bliss, is a pain so potent that it causes you doubt, anger, fear and resentment. His actions hurt you. Him pulling you in and pushing you out is extremely agonizing. And the more you choose to keep trying; the more you keep stepping on your values. Your resentment turns from him to yourself. It’s so frustrating. You start to question everything.
You’re not alone. The pain will eventually subside; I promise you that. And I know at the root of your pain is fear. Fear of abandonment. You want to be free but you’re scared if you let go he’ll forget you. You’re wrong.
Meeting other people should make him appreciate you more.
Your inner dialogue is running a million miles per hour, thinking of all the things that could happen. Every worst case scenario. The what if’s: what if he meets someone else and falls for them, what if letting him go is a mistake. You’re torturing yourself thinking of all the experiences you’ll miss out on together; all those talks that make you feel alive and all the laughter.
You’re scared to let go because of the what if. But sis - if someone is causing you pain by not being able to give you what you need; letting go is never a mistake.
When we deeply connect with someone, we subconsciously expect them to be in the same place we are. But it doesn’t always work like that. He might recognize your worth - he might even understand that your connection together is out of this world - but if he’s not ready - he’s going to keep causing you pain.
You want someone who would never make you doubt their feelings for you. Someone who’s strong and gives you love freely and makes you rise with their confidence of what you have together. Someone who’s afraid to lose you and wouldn’t risk it.
Someone who doesn’t need to entertain so called ‘options’ because why would you ever want someone who doesn’t realize what they have when they have you?
There is no risk in letting him go - because ultimately you’re letting go of your pain, your doubt, and your blocks, too. Because the truth is, this is not working for you. You’re tired of putting forth so much energy just to keep someone. It doesn’t serve you, you don't need this, no matter how much you love them and how strong your bond is.
There is so much more for you; so much better. Whether it be with the future him who is ready, or with someone so much better; there is no risk in letting go, I promise.