This is What Leaving Really Takes, Because It’s Not as Easy as Knowing it's Toxic

The biggest problem with hanging on to the wrong person? They ruin the relationship you have with yourself.

The truth is, you were able to love someone who was completely unlovable and intolerable. You found the good in them. You never gave up on them. And it’s your turn to experience that kind of love. It’s your turn to fully open yourself up to everything amazing life has to offer.

But it has to start with you. You will be more than okay but it won’t be easy at first. 

The hardest thing you will have to admit is the main source of your pain is in fact you.

You are in fact the reason that this person is still in your life, you are the reason why you're miserable and only you can change that.

And that’s not easy - maybe it will be the hardest thing you’ll ever have to do. At this moment you might think you won't be able to connect with anyone else the way you do with them, but you have to connect with yourself more. You have to put yourself first. 

It’s so hard to see it when you’re in it. But the more you fight to try to keep them, the more you lose the love for yourself.

Self-doubt creeps over you and you’re in a fog of insecurity, suddenly you’re handing over your entire self-worth and significance to that person and before you know it your mood and happiness becomes entirely dependent on them.

You will never fall back in love with yourself if you keep allowing them back in your life. You won’t ever let go if you keep making excuses for them. You blame their toxic behavior on an addiction, their past, pride, the fact that they’re weak or scared, etc. You claim, “but they love me in their own way.”  

Of course they do. But you deserve better. The only thing that matters is you are not getting what you want. You are worth so much more than dealing with constant disappointments. You need to take a chance on being alone and you need to take the time to rebuild the relationship with yourself. Only then will you build a life that you want to live.

But as long as you’re with this person, as long as they're draining you, you will believe you don’t deserve the best. Self-doubt will prevent you from going for what you truly want and you’ll even try to sabotage great things because you’ll be afraid.  

When you aren’t used to feeling happy, you almost reject it. 

So long as you’re dealing with a toxic person, they will constantly drown you in their toxicity.

And the most surprisingly liberating part? You are responsible for it too. Yes you love them. But it's deeper than that.

The relationship with yourself is not strong enough and until it is, you will keep letting toxic people into your life. 

You have the life vest. You and only you. Take a chance on being alone. Take a chance on yourself and watch as your whole life begins to change. 


Anna Bashkova

Blogger from NYC.

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