I need to start off by saying that I love you. My love for you is infinite. That’s never going to change. But I can’t spend any more time damaging myself waiting for you to be whole. It isn’t fair to me. You pull me back in every time. Every time you convince me that this time it’s going to be different. Every time I get a glimmer of hope that things might begin to change.
But every time it’s the same old thing and before I know it I’m back in the same place: sucked into your tornado, my hands ashy from your darkness. Every time you break my heart. I don't even know if you realize what you're doing.
It’s like there’s two sides to you. Your charming side is so magnetic, you pull everyone in. But your other side - your self-destructive side, your narcissist side, the side that is toxic, it’s poisonous to me. I am so vulnerable when it comes to you. But I won’t let you manipulate this. You’re so damn good at it. The truth is, you are responsible for your actions. And I won’t let you break my heart again.
Before you control me and say I gave up on you, I need to tell you that I’ve reached my breaking point. You can’t play with my emotions anymore. I won’t let you. You can’t keep turning everything black in your path and blame people when they’ve had enough of your darkness. I didn’t give up - I realized that you can’t change people. I’ve realized that you’re never going to change.
I know now you’re going to be so sweet and nurturing - that’s how you always pull me back in. You play on my love for you. You play on my kindness. You always have great excuses. You always know what to say. But for some reason, it’s always me - caring too much, in turmoil over our fights. It’s always me with the tear-stained bedsheets. Your bedsheets always seem to stay dry.
Maybe you like the drama. In fact, I know you do. You’re like an emotional vampire, you feed on my emotions. And when you’ve sucked all my energy dry, you’re satisfied for a little while - until you need more.
So I can’t keep fighting this fight. I can't keep fighting for someone who doesn't think about me, my happiness. I can’t keep going in this vicious cycle: You need me. I always pick you back up, and you always end up pulling me down. You use me. And I can’t do this until you start to work on yourself, and really start to change. With real actions - your words have no power or meaning anymore.
And I will always love you. But right now, I need to love you from afar.