Being a 20 something is rough. So much to do, not enough nap time. Which is why you have chosen the life of a 20-something grandma.
1. No one messes with your naps.
….You ain't fucking with my nap. A nap can make the difference between you hating or loving everyone.
2. You have actually cancelled on people because of your nap time.
You stopped feeling guilty a long time ago. Sometimes you even catch yourself saying “Back in the good old days,” when nap time was a thing.
3. Clubs are the devil.
Exhausting plans to force conversations over martinis and spend more money you don’t have? You’d rather share a bottle of wine or pot of tea and meaningful conversations with your bestie, who is also a 20 something Grandma.
4. If you have a date, most likely you will be late.
Because because you can’t survive social interactions without a little nap. Even after your nap, you find it difficult to date because you can’t stand modern dating. Tinder scares you. All the bullshit texting and games, you want nothing to do with it. You’d rather stay home and sleep with your pet.
5. You also can’t keep up with all the slang.
Kids these days with their music and their language! What is this fuckboy that you speak of? Who is the DM? You're also really bad at texting, Instagram, snapchat, the whole shebang.
6. You own contacts, but will often just wear your glasses.
Because you don’t feel like exerting the effort.
7. You also have two hairstyles: down and bun.
You rock that bun. And you probably have one pair of shoes that you wear with 95% of your wardrobe.
8. If you do go the gym at the end of the day...
It’s really just an excuse to wear your comfy clothes for hours leading up to it.
9. You find all these new makeup techniques a little terrifying.
You logged onto the internet. You watched a YouTube clip about contouring where the girl looked like the lion from Wizard of Oz. You logged off the internet.
10. Sundresses are the holy grail.
Because they look like you put more effort into getting ready, but you definitely didn’t. Perfection.
11. You are very clear with your hairstylist.
They need to understand that you need a cut that’s easy to maintain, because you’re not about that life.
12. You have come to the realization that napping for three hours on a Friday afternoon is the closest you'll ever get to heaven.
Clubs are so noisy and annoying. And it doesn’t have dessert. Or a bed. Only other 20-something grandmas can truly appreciate that feeling you get when you achieve a Holy Grail Nap. Euphoria.