Why Modern Men Make Me Never Want to Date Again

I honestly don’t know what happened. Dating has been replaced with scary dick pics, and hanging out and Netflix and Chill. Guys don’t put in effort - they swipe, looking for the elusive more: excite me, stimulate me, gratify me. The instant gratification monsters, one foot out the door, because outside that door is more, more, more.

Guys want you to be “casual.” Chilled. What the fuck is chilled? You know, cool with everything, easy — as in, just go with the flow. They expect you to sleep with them. It’s unwritten. It’s just what people do, right? Everything has to be casual because we’re all too scared to actually feel something.

And some actually just don't care. Don’t tell him how you feel, just sleep with him. You can’t assume anything is more than casual, The Hookup Culture. This is the world that I live in now and I’m going to confess: I would actually rather be alone forever that play that game. And here’s why.

I’m tired of being labelled a tease when I want to slow down; when I want phone calls and conversations before jumping into bed with someone. What’s a tease? If I make out with a guy but don’t sleep with him, I’m a tease. If we go for dinner and we don’t go back to his place, tease. A tease is a word guys use to manipulate girls into feeling guilty, like as if she actually owes him something. Like as if wanting to move slow somehow means she’s teasing you. How about you’re just a fuckboy and you’re never entitled to a woman’s body? I think that’s a more accurate definition of the situation.

I’m so tired of guys texting me and not asking me out. They text me, I enthusiastically reply, only to have them disappear. Bro, you texted me, remember? “Well why don’t you ask him out?” I can hear someone asking. Because I wasn’t the one that asked for their number in the first place. If a guy asks for your number, and writes to you, you’d think he’d ask you out. Nope. Welcome to the modern dating world and in our dating world guys want to put zero effort in - they want the easiest option - the easier the better. And if you’re not easy, forget it. There’s always the next thrill, the next jolt of excitement, the next instant gratification.

And, even if we find it. Say we find that connection. It’s awesome. We finally found it. Then, quickly, we lose it. If I like someone, I don’t want to date anyone else. I'm not even thinking about anyone else. But as soon as we get closer, it’s too much for the guy; hanging out consistently means that we like each other and gasp, that means someone can actually get hurt.

The truth is, I don’t want what’s right in front of me. I want simplicity. I want slowness. I want to wait for a love that builds. A love that makes me excited to be alive - an unconditional love that can’t be discarded for the next hit, or something “more” because love is something you feel and then something you build so high that nothing can reach it. I’m passionate and emotional, and yeah, I actually care. I give a lot and I’m unapologetic about my needs. 

So fuck modern dating and all its bullshit. I refuse to be a part of any dating culture that enslaves us into dating boys and swiping and perfecting being not too interested but also interested enough. I’m not enslaved to anything. Except maybe to Game of Thrones.