When They Try to Silence You, Please Don’t Let Them

I hope you know how much you deserve to be loved - loved by someone who gives you strength, not takes it away. Loved by someone who will never try to silence you, control you, manipulate your opinions or micromanage your emotions. Loved by someone who will never name-call you, make you walk on eggshells, change the subject to evade accountability and toy with your emotions. 

You deserve to be loved unconditionally, and not just on the days when everything is going their way. 

You don’t deserve this. You don’t deserve any of it. When you’re hurt and in pain and they try to gaslight you, telling you that you it didn’t happen, or you’re crazy - trust yourself. You’re hurt for a reason. Someone who is toxic will always try to escape accountability for their actions - don’t let them eat away at your ability to trust yourself and others. Don’t let them disable you from feeling justified in calling out abuse. When they try to silence you, please don’t let them. 

Don’t let them project their toxicity onto you. Instead of trying to improve themselves, they will always prefer that you take responsibility for their behavior and feel ashamed of yourself. Don’t engage in their games - the world will always be blamed for everything that’s wrong with them. This way, you get to babysit their fragile ego while being thrust into a sea of self-doubt. You never, ever have to put up with that.  

You deserve someone who would never exploit your kind heart. Someone who challenges you to be better, but never puts you down. Someone who never makes you abandon yourself in the effort to keep the relationship. Someone who teases you out of love, but would never do anything to hurt you. 

Please, don’t waste your precious time and energy trying to make them change. Remember that, each and every time you attempt to provide a valid point that counters their crazy claims, you’re feeding them supply, ammunition to keep firing. Any shame they feel about themselves, they will project onto you. Like an emotional vampire, they will suck your love dry. Your love will never be enough. Instead of wasting your love on them, fall back in love with yourself

You deserve to be loved by someone who listens to you when you’re upset, someone who will never make blanket generalizations saying, “You are never satisfied,” or “You’re always too sensitive” when you express your emotions about their toxic behavior. You never deserve to feel invalidated or guilty about expressing your feelings - never, ever let them silence you. 

You deserve someone who would never put you down. Instead, all they will want is to lift you up - build you up, and no matter how much they drive you crazy at times, all they truly want is to show you what you’re capable of; show you all the things that make you beautiful and special that you didn’t even realize. 

Never put up with someone who always tries to nitpick you, someone who pulls you down and scapegoats you in any way they can. 

Remember that, no matter how much you give, no matter what you do, no matter how logical your argument is, a toxic person will always find something in order to ensure that they have every reason to be perpetually dissatisfied with you. The goal is to make you work for the their love and approval: by pointing out one irrelevant fact or one thing you did wrong and developing a hyperfocus on it, they will always get you to divert from your strengths and pull you into obsessing over any flaws or weaknesses instead.  

You deserve someone who builds your confindence up, helps you reach your dreams - not someone who is jealous of your strength and happiness and tries to poison it. Not someone who purposely provokes you, sabotages your goals, ruins celebrations and vacations. Not someone who conditions you to associate your strengths, talents, and happy memories with abuse, frustration and disrespect. They do this to control you, because they know how amazing you are, because they know that you could have anyone and be happy without them.

You deserve someone who makes you feel like a little kid again, who looks at you like you’re magic, someone who takes your hand when you’re nervous and breaks down your walls because they truly love you, all of you. Someone who you play with, and the world feels brand new. 

A toxic person will always gain pleasure from hurting you and being able to get away with it. They will always make second guess yourself, giving you internal conflicts. 

Stand up for yourself and walk away - and when they try to control you by manipulating and provoking you, because they will, don’t give in. Don’t internalize their insults. Realize that they are resorting to name-calling because they lack higher level methods. Know that their abusive behavior is the problem, not you. And know that they will always do it again.

Fall back in love with yourself. You can have so much more. Please don’t let them silence you, because if you let them, they will turn everything black in their path, even someone with as much light as you.

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Anna Bashkova

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