This is How You Love Someone Who’s Used to Being on Their Own

A person who’s used to being on their own is not easy to understand, that much is for sure. They are open but guarded. They connect with people very easily, but they’re stingy with trust. They are the most alluring introverts you will ever meet. 

They won’t be keen on letting you all the way in - it’s like something always holds them back. Maybe there was a time when they let someone all the way in and it ended up almost breaking them. Maybe someone they needed left before they were done needing them. Maybe all their layers makes it difficult for most people to truly get to know them so they prefer to be on their own.  

Maybe they’re so afraid of getting close that they’ll push you away before you get the chance to leave yourself. 

This can be frustrating, difficult; you may wonder if they’re worth it, if they’re worth fighting for. But remember, the people who have the most to give often have the toughest walls up for protection because they can break the hardest. 

Someone who’s used to being on their own will be a challenge because they won't ever put up with your shit. When you’re used to being on your own, you’re used to always standing up for yourself, standing up for what’s right, and speaking up when you see injustice or someone not living to their potential. They know exactly who they are and they won’t settle for anything. They will never waste their time with people they’re not completely crazy about. They won’t let you settle either; and you’ll be better because of it. They are tough almost to a fault - but they are this tough because they had to be. 

Remember that as much they challenge, they want to be, need to be challenged right back. 

Expect them to do their own thing often and without letting you know, at least at first. It’s not that they don’t care about you; it’s just that being independent is their default, it’s their comfort zone, it’s who they are. When they see you after a long day, they might be all irritable and not want to talk. It has nothing to do with how much they like you. As outgoing and life of the party as they can be, someone who is used to being on their own is still an introvert at their core, often needing to recharge after a large use of social energy. After a long day of dealing with people, their social batteries are drained and they need to unwind and recover, usually alone. 

Expect them to be stubborn, to always want things their way. When you’re used to being on your own, you aren’t used to hearing “no” -- but that’s because you work your ass off for what you want and refuse to accept things because they’ve ‘always been that way.’ Understand that their drive and intensity is a big part of their identity and as challenging as that can be, you won’t ever be uninspired or bored. 

They’ll be slow with their vulnerabilities, and hide many of their insecurities for a long time. And when they’ll show you them, they’ll feel completely stripped. Clothe them with your words. Remember that, there will most likely always be a part of them that will be scared of love. Their dark side might cause them to assume you’re going to leave, so they prepare for the worst. It’ll make them question you, sometimes directly, sometimes implicitly, about your feelings for them. Be there for them. They’ll say they won’t need you or your help - don’t listen. 

Someone who is used to being on their own is also extremely observant and intuitive; picking up on any red flags that could potentially cause a disaster. They can’t help it, they notice details that most people don’t. They will pick up on the slightest shift in you and before you even realize. This makes them often live in their heads, over-thinking everything - which is confusing because when they are out they are life of the party, not seeming to have a care in the world. 

They may even pull away from you if they feel like you’re getting too close.  But if you can fight with them through this, if you can break down their walls they’ve been crafting for years, I promise their love and fire will change both of you forever.

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Anna Bashkova

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