When you love someone, you’ll do anything for them. When you connect with someone so deeply, you’ll do anything to make it work. You want it so badly that when they’ll come back to you with an apology, saying that this time it will be different, that they screwed up, that life isn’t the same without you, you’ll take them back.
You’ll get to that place when you’ll miss them so much that you’ll forget about the bad.
Your heart will want it so much that it’ll trick your head into believing that they’ve changed: That this time, they won’t drown you in their toxicity. That this time they won’t be selfish, that this time they won’t leave you insecure, broken, feeling like your heart will explode when they do exactly the same thing again they know will hurt you.
They will say anything to get you back. And it’s not that they’re lying - it’s not that they don’t mean it when they say they love you. It’s not that they’re faking having issues and complexities and internal conflicts.
It’s that they will always love themselves more.
It’s not that they don’t want to change. But sometimes, people are not ready, no matter how much they might want it. Sometimes they need to work out their issues alone, and until they have, it will always end the same way. It will always end with you hating them for doing this again and hating yourself for thinking that this time it would be different.
It will always end with them pushing you away, sabotaging their happiness and the relationship, because you can’t change people that are toxic. They have to be ready, and you never ever have to convince or inspire someone to do the work to be ready.
You never have to feel that you deserve feeling so conflicted. You never have to feel that love has to be this way.
So when they come back to you, with their apologies, with their regrets, this will be the toughest thing to remember. This will be the hardest thing to accept. Your heart will always want to give them a chance - but your head will know better. Walking away will be the hardest thing you’ll ever have to do because the connection is so strong, but you are stronger.
I know you’re in pain, feeling like no one really understands how much it hurts, how much they mean to you. You feel hopeless, like nothing can make you feel like they did, but I promise you, there is so much love you have yet to experience. You don't need them to fulfill you. I know that subconsciously, you know that they’re in your way. You know that you don’t deserve the tears. You know that they don’t deserve you.
You know that it will be bliss for a while but sooner or later, that other facet of their personality, the one that breaks your heart every time, it will show up. You know that they will always get in their moods, and when they do, their feelings will always come first.
Never for a second think that this is all there is. Never go back to a person that in the end makes you hate yourself - nothing is worth that. What good is it for a person to lift you up so high, if they don’t catch you when you fall.
You deserve someone who always catches you.