To the Girl Who Needs to Realize She Never Needed Him
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“Suppose you did own him. Could you really love somebody who was absolutely nobody without you? You really want somebody like that? Somebody who falls apart when you walk out the door? You don’t, do you? And neither does he. You’re turning over your whole life to him. Your whole life, girl. And if it means so little to you that you can just give it away, hand it to him, then why should it mean any more to him? He can’t value you more than you value yourself.” ―Toni Morrison
When it comes to dating, I find it fascinating how quickly we can fall out of love with ourselves. We hate to admit it - but finding love affects us constantly. Yeah, you don’t want to hear the clichés: “No one will love you until you learn to love yourself.” You get it.
But nevertheless, you’re here: Frustrated. Confused. Tired as fuck.
Because here’s the ironic truth about dating– you are most attractive when you’re not worried about who you’re attracting. When you start living the fuck out of your life. When you stop caring about finding ‘The One.’ When you realize that you can dive headfirst into life and never look back. When you realize that you never needed him.
When it comes to dating, you’re always left with, “what the fuck is that supposed to mean?” There are endless mixed singles, inconsistencies, and indecisiveness. The 'I’m going to get your number, text you, but not ask you out.' the ‘I’m going to be super sweet toward you one night and then act like I don’t care the next.’ The 'yeah, we had a connection, but I’m going to ghost you for no reason.'
All this leaves you feeling like there is something wrong with you. You loathe admitting it. But you think it. We all think that. We’re human.
You think that because someone doesn’t want to commit to you that you’re not worth the commitment. You think that because he's indecisive he's right — that his judgement and opinion of you are correct. You think If he doesn't call you, then you must not be worth it. Don’t.
Trying to understand why the person did what they did is a battle you will never win because your wasting all your energy that you can be using to build the new, to innovate the life you actually want to live. Don't try to understand why the person did what they did. You can spend years analyzing and still never know. Why they did it is not important. It has to do with their demons. And the only thing that is important now is you.
If there’s one thing we all need to stop doing, it’s thinking that someone belongs to us because we want to belong to them. Don’t. Love isn’t like that. You can’t own a human being. You can’t lose what you don’t own.
You need to stop worrying, stop analyzing, and stop waiting around for someone to change who you don't even need in the first place. Bottom line: you need to stop giving a fuck about the guy who is just not ready to handle a romantic situation with a badass, grown-ass woman or willing to put forth the effort that you need from them. Show the bro to the door.
When you start to live your life freely, for you and without restraint, that’s when change happens. That is the kind of energy that will transform not just your own life, but the lives of people around you.
Indecisiveness is not attractive, neither is romance-related bullshit. You need to realize that you never needed him, he needed you.
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