You make situations worse by trying to suppress your feelings about them. You can’t help it - you’re too uncomfortable with other people seeing you in pain. Sometimes it’s because you don’t want to feel pitied or as though you are compromising anyone’s time. Sometimes it’s because your heart is so tender with emotions that you don’t want it to get in the wrong hands. You do it for protection.
You will shy away from discussing problems. You have never asked to be held. Sometimes you tiptoe when you wish you would just walk. You don’t understand yourself. How can you be so feisty, so full of opinions and fire, but can go mute when confrontation approaches? You are flight when you would have been sure you’d fight.
There is definitely a beauty and sadness to you. The beauty is your ability to love unconditionally. The sadness is someone probably tainted you a bit; leaving you to put up a shield you spent years crafting. It might take a while for you to fully trust someone - you lower your shield slowly. It takes a while for you to reveal the moments that have burnt you; the past that has made you, you. You may reveal the script that you have memorized back and forth without flinching. But this isn't your real story. It won't spill out easily.
It should not be absurd that your heart is so guarded, because you’ve seen firsthand what happens when you don’t protect your heart. It should not be surprising that when you get too close, things get too real, and you run. You don’t want to create waves because you can end up underwater; all those pent-up emotions coming out like a tsunami. You need things to be exciting. Light. Fun. You know darkness already too well.
When you love, you can’t give the one you love your whole heart. Not right away. You’ll give your heart piece by piece, over time. You find it extremely difficult to say "I love you" first. You often feel like you might have expressed too much and need to take it back. That’s where deflecting and biting back with sarcasm may come in. You might seem like you're being cold, but you're just so used to distancing yourself from your own emotions.
At the same time, you know how strong you are. You can get through anything, even on your worst days. When you’ve been left to pick up the pieces of your heart, you know the value of every piece. Suppressing your feelings doesn't mean you don’t love to the fullest extent - It means you have in the past and it’s left you with scars that will likely never fully heal.
You protect your heart because you once gave it away too quickly and too easily. This may cause you to love a little bit differently than others, and while your enigmatic traits can make love difficult, at the root of it all you’re just protecting a very sensitive heart, hidden in a lot of roughness.
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